Emmett's list
by jewelthebrat
Summary: From my Story, Hogwarts meet the cullens. Can be read on its own. Emmett finds the 150 things not to do at hogwarts and adds some comments. Alice joins him in the fun.


**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own the fallowing:**

**Harry Potter, Hogwarts, the Cullen's, This entire List, The dark overlord list, the "you may be a pure blood if..." list, star war, lord of the rings, batman, a "wand" (no offence to guys, but I'm a girl) a Holiday tie, a giant squid, Umbrage's Quill, the Potter Puppet pals, the saying "Dude get a life", a frog, a betting pool on the fate of this years DADA, the word pwned, any song said in here, any t-shirts mentioned in here. Pretty much anything you've already heard of in here, I don't own, and probable never will.**

**THIS DOES SWARE! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

**Also, this belongs with my story, "Hogwarts, meet the Cullens"**

**This can be read on its own, just know that The cullens have been sucked into the Harry Potter Books. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_**Bold Italics words**_

-already complete.

**Bold** - comments made by Me, Emmett

_Italics _- Alice's comments

1. I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colors indicate that they are covered in bees. **probably should do whenthere is a feast, Or any meal, in the great hall. More of an audience**

_**2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class** **this must also be done when Hagrid gets back.**_

3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not an extra credit project for Herbology.

4. I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood s name is not a challenge. **Have a bet in the common room to see who knows more. Me ageist who? Ask Alice who I m less likely to lose against**

5. When Death Eaters are attacking Hogwarts, I will not point at the Dark Mark and say; To the Batmobile, Robin. _you may have to wait to do this one for a while, em._ **Aw man.**

6. I will not go to class sky clad. Try to see if jasper will join in._ In no way is jasper allowed to do this. Ask Fred to do it. He will. Or is it George?_

7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. **this sucks cause this was last year**. _Don't worry Emmett. I got the headmaster to do another dance. I can't wait until Edward sees Bella in the dress_!  
**Yes! So now I need a tux, which you can get Alice, and a way to apologize for wrestling her a few days ago .oh and a really big fish tank!**

8. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write I told you I was hard-core. **Will this work on vampire skin? If not, must trick someone else to do it. preferably the longbottom kid.**

9. I will stop referring to showering as giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful. **Who the hell is myrtle? And rose will be pissed if I do this. Must get Harry to do. Somehow**

10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. Polishing my "wand" in the common room is not. **I don t get this one.**  
_...Emmett. Think. What do you have that girls don't...And rose would be pissed at if you would show anyone besides her?_  
**Oh! I get it now. My "wand" hahaha. God. That's funny. *Get Ron to do***

11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm. **See If Harry can draw one...on that Irish kids arm.**

12. I will stop sending forged love notes to Snape that appear to be from Lupin. **Hey Alice, hows this?**

**Dear Snape, I have missed our special time together when you bring the potion to me. I know you enjoyed it as much as I did. But lucky for us I heard there's going to be an order meeting soon. see you then, and bring the rope. **_This is great Emmett! how did you know about all Snape delivering the potion?_ **I heard Edward talking about it once... Remember? **_yeah, he was running around freaking out about it. Esma was so mad when he broke the glass coffee table._

13. Staring a betting pool on the fate of this years DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept. **But... but...BETS ARE ALWAYS TASTE FULL, SLIGHTLY TACKY, CLEAVE MONEY MAKING CONCEPTS! At least, mine are. Unless I bet against Alice. Then they're just stupid, slightly tacky, and a-good-way-to-lose-your-money concept.**  
_Got that right. No one shill ever win against my awesome power! Unless you re a werewolf..._

14. I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant. **This is good. It would be better if I could get Hermione to do it.**  
_Threaten to burn all of her books. Then she will do it._

15. Beaters do it with Wood." was not funny, even if the only one not laughing were Oliver. e**ven better when you think about his last name. how long will it take the twins to realize the triple meaning in this sentence?** _Triple meaning? _**Yeah, brooms being the wood, "it" being Quidditch. Brooms being wood, "it" being you know what, and "it" meaning you know what and wood being Oliver.** _HAHAHA It will take them a full minute, the best being is that they will be laughing at first! wait, you need to charm this one to say something different if you don't want them to know. try using this one " I am not allowed to make eyes at Sirius. Lupin will kill me if I try anything."_

16. "You might be a pureblood if..." jokes will get me into trouble. Especially in front of Slytherins. **lets see. I read that list too...how about you might be a pureblood if You met your wife when you were five, at the family Christmas party. or better yet you might be a pureblood if Lucius Malfoy is not only your cousin, he's also your uncle, your great-grandfather, your brother, and, thanks to an accident with a Time-Turner and a genderbender spell, your aunt. oh, i could go on and on.**

17. Seamus Finnegan is not after me Lucky Charms. **Does this school even serve Lucky Charms? I hope so, I love those little marshmallows so much.** _but you can't eat them... _**I know. but that doesn't rune mine and the marshmallows relationship between the two of us. I still love them no matter what.**

18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as bookends.

19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as bookends. **Um didn't Harry and Ron say that these girls were there dates last year? **_Emmett, how do you even know that? You didn't read the books. And Edward didn't run around screaming this one. _**Yeah, but Ron told me about it... it wasn't a pleasant night from what I heard.**

20. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an appropriate suggestion for the class play. **I already have the line for this. I Can't wait for the twins to read this one. Ron: Following the butterflies. following the butterflies. *Harry and Hermione walk on* Why, hello there Harry. Harry: I'm not in the mood Ron. Hermione: Aw. but Harry, its springtime! Ron: Does someone need a hug? Harry: I do not need a hug. If you invade my personal bubble i am warning you now I will hit you. *You-know-who pops out of no where.* You-know-who: But Harry, its even spring time for me!**

21. Telling Malfoy to 'make like a ferret and bounce,' is always a bad idea. **I know this. remember when Edward started laughing so hard and them Jasper couldn't handle it and we were all laughing for an hour before Carlisle came home and got Jasper to stop.** _Yes i remember. It wasn't even that funny when you think about how long it took us to calm down._

22. I will not swap Draco's broom with one of Filch's. **Right before the first game of the year I will do this. I just need to find one of Filches broom.**

23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. _EMMETT? Can I PLEASE do this one? Wait...*having a vision* hahahahaha get Ginny to do this. It will be hilarious. More funny then if I do!_

24. I will not add 'according to the prophecy' at the end of sentences to try and up my Divination mark. **Harry and Ron should try this one. They told me how bad there marks are, maybe it will work.**

25. Tricking the schools house elves into stripping does not mean they are now mine even if I yell Pwned! I** would never yell pwned! who ever started that word needs to have eggs and rotten tomatoes thrown at them. I prefer Damn straight!**

26. I am not allowed to bother Snape, and Dumbledore does not routinely have 'Naked Time.' **Alright Alice, I need Jasper for this one. At least the bothering Snape part. unless i am able to...never mind. I want to do this one. please Alice *pouts* **_Actually, Edward might do this one with . he will. of, i am so watching that!_

27. Putting fake spiders in Ron's bed is not funny, even when he tries jumping out the window. **Will he really try to jump? **_...yes he will! Ohmygosh! the best part is the window is closed when he tries to jump!HAHAHAHAHA_

28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha. **Alice** _Don't worry em. I got this one covered._ **You...you...you stole the pen out of my hand! **_get over it em. just keep going._

29. No part of my uniform is edible. I am not allowed to make any part of my uniform edible**. what if I charm others robes to be edible as there walking down the hall? **_that's going to be great_!

30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar. _I think you should have Hermione give it to him. or at least, sign the tag so it says it from Hermione._** At Christmas for sure.**

31. Remarking 'That's what your mum said last night' to any thing anyone says is only marginally funny the first time, and never funny to Harry. No matter how hard Sirius is laughing. **another thing that must be said at Christmas. and Fred or George needs to do this.**

32. I will not lick Trevor**. Who's Trevor**? _um...I don't know..._ **Le gasp! You don't! what has the world come to!** _its come to unknown people named Trevor._

33. I will stop asking the Arithmacy teacher what the square root of -1 is. _Hermione is the only one in this class, so shes the only one who can do this._ **are we able to see it? **_yes. but it involves a window, and some climbing..._

34. The Ravenclaws are not Mentals in training.

35. I will stop insinuating that McGonagall and Mrs. Norris have an inappropriate relationship.

36. I will not change the password to the prefect s bath to Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty. **I don't know where this is. **_Fred and George do. They'll help you with this one._

37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.**I am totally making one of these. rose will look awesome in this**. _Your a pig, Emmett...make one for me and jasper too._

38. I will not address the professor with a loud 'Heil Umbridge' and accompanying salute. _Is it possible for me to get our entire class to do this after she says good morning to us? *Vision* Yes, and if you wait until they start this club, you can get three out of the four houses to do at breakfast!_

39. Asking How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense? is only funny the first time.

40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.

41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.

42. 42? Is not the answer to every question to the O.W.L.s.

43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.

44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters. **Oooooo I know this list! it has tips from other overlords of what went wrong for them so you don't do it.**

45. I am not to proclaim myself the new Dark Lord.

46. Replying to every question that Lupin asks with "Are you fuckin' Sirius?" is not funny, even the first time.

47. The fact that Draco Malfoy is short, pale, blond and rat-faced is no reason for me to tell the Slytherins that Peter Pettigrew should be paying Narcissa child support,

48. I will not teach the first-years to sing A Wizard s Staff Has A Knob On The End.

49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.

50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter. **How do we get him to sign this?**

51. I will not tell the first years, who are waiting to be sorted, that in order to be sorted you must confess your deepest secret aloud while wearing the hat. **Darn, they were already sorted...what if were here next year? maybe we can do this then! Yes!**

52. It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that "once you go Black, you never go back."** Do i say this after I say number 46?...yes. yes I do!**

53. The proper way to report to Professor McGonagall is "You wanted to see me, Professor?" Not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence." **This is what I will say the first time I get caugh doing one of the things on this list. I need to tell the others to do this as well.**

54. I am not to draw a smiley face on my arm and call it the new Dark Mark.** I will show it when I say that i'm the new dark lord!**

55. I am not allowed to suggest that the Gryffindor team practice by playing Strip Quidditch.** I need to get on the team...but how? or maybe Hary could suggest it to Oliver? That could work.**

56. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a Big Black Sex Auror.

57. I will not play the Darth Vader theme song for Professor Snape as he enters the room. **Alice, many people will hum this as he walks in? **_All of the muggle-borns and half-bloods., or those of which know what this is. so, pretty much every one but Slytherin, and some others_

58. Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda. **From now on, I am calling him this in every class**. _The best part, he wont know what your talking about, but most of the other kids do!_

59. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor. **I though I was always the teacher of this class**?

60. I am no longer allowed to use the words pimp cane in front of Draco Malfoy.

61. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the result would be. _Emmett. This will just end badly_. **Define badly... **_half of the forest burned to the ground- _**that's not that bad** _I WASN'T DONE YET! Half of the forest burned down As well as your...um..."wand_" **NO! The discrimination, the inequality the unfairness, THE INJUSTICE! WHY! OH AL MIGHTY GOD! (If you're out there) WHY? *SOB***

62. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled Firewhiskey. **I bet that Nevil kid will fall for this one!**

63. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes. **maybe Malfoy still deserves a little pay back... **_Emmett! That will be the funniest thing! Even Bella wont be mad! She'll be to busy laughing!_

64. I will not create a pin-up calendar of the Slytherin girls and call it "Voldie's angels" **I leave this one to fred and george. and that lee kid**.

65. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.

66. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape s personal postbox. _This needs to be done for the good of man kind. And the good of fashion in hair care!_

67. Naughty jokes concerning 'Moaning' Myrtle are only funny once.

68. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

69. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.

70. Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform. **Alice. You're in charge of getting as many Christmas ties as you can. preferably ones that play a song?** _Already done. There's enough for everyone to wear, even the Slytherins!_

71. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.

72. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout There can be only ONE! _Emmett, there's a battle at the end of the year. we need to somehow get it so we all do this at the same time._

73. I should not refer to DADA professors as canaries in the coal mine. **I think we need an explanation for this one...**

74. I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life." to Lord Voldemort. _End of the year battle?_ **End of the year battle.**

75. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.

76. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth house at Hogwarts. And I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder. **All right. This house will be called the house of total awesome-ness and only the people I think are awesome are allowed in. anyone can try to get in but they must pass my test of cool-ness to be welcomed into the house.** _Fred and George will help. you guys can use the ROR!_

77. I will not refer to the Accio charm as The Force. **May the force be with you, young one.**

78. Potter 4, Voldemort 0, is not a valid T-shirt slogan.

79. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death.

80. I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.

81. The four houses are not; The Morons, The Borons, The Smart-Arses and the Junior Death Eaters. **you think I could get dumbledor to let harry say a speach at the end of the year and have him say this? **_yeah. it will work, and everyone will be laughing. even the Slytherins, surprisingly._

82. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling It Does DEATH! May be correct but it is not the manner in which one should answer.

83. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.

84. I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur. _the ROR will work fo this one two._

85. Ravenclaw s do not find a sign saying The library is closed for and indefinite time period amusing in any sense. neither does hermione...

86. I cannot see the Grim Reaper and I must not say he is standing behind Dumbledore and tapping his watch.

87. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars.

88. I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.

89. I will not charm Hermione s time turner to rotate every half-hour.

90. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

92. When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce, "These are not the droids you are looking for."

93. I will not scare First Years with tales of an Omniscient author who controls our destinies. **the irony does not fail to escape me with this one, considering we are trapped in there book. hahahahah**

94. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.

95. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

96. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens. **Does this one end bad?** _not telling_! **please?**_ try it and find out for yourself!_

97. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.

98. OMGWTF is not a spell.

99. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

100. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paint-balling. **Um...Alice, I need-** _Already gotten it em, but would you like pink or blue_. **how about both?** _fine with me. consider it bought. because it is_. **...That's why you have the laptop with you. to buy all the stuff I need? **_yep. took you long enough to figure that one out._

101. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletcher as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.

102. I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore, even if it would be amusing.

103. I am not to conjure the words 'DRINK ME' onto the vials in Snape's classroom.

104. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive.** I think I will use the ROR for this one two.**

105. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals. **Alice-**_i already bought the ones that would be best for this one, one of which is squrtil _**I LOVE THAT ONE!**_ I know Em, hence the reason I bought it._

106. The fact that there are only 3 Unforgivable Curses does not make every other curse pretty much forgivable. _Ask this to Umbridge, she will freak. and Edward will start laughing at her thoughts which will get him in trouble too!_

107. I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches. **Bager bager bager bager Bager bager bager bager snake snake snake snake** _Is that all the song? _._..no...it has some other words..._

108. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

109. I will not douse Harry Potter s Invisibility Cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible wearing it and standing near the fire in the common room.

110. I will not re-enact Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall. _The puppets are already made. And I can get all of use to be each do bothering Snape and wizard angst...and the ticking noise one!_

111. I will not yell "Believe it or not!" After any of Dumbledore's speeches.

112. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit.

113. My name is not The Dark Lord Happy-Pants and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such. **you think I can get the twins to do this on both of ther papers...when there writing for the same class? **_yep._

114. Professor Snape's problem is not that he "needs to get laid". **I think Hermione should ask this question too.**

115. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps.

116. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling. **Ron is doing this one.**

117. Telling Draco Malfoy I am getting him a ferret for Xmas is not funny.

118. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmacy exams.

119. I will not Tie-dye all the owls. _What colors?_ **pink. no. blue yellow and red. and I guess green. so what ever owls fly to Slythering get green, Hufflepuff yellow, ect etc.**

120. I will not call Professor McGonagall McGoogles.

121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sound with my wand. **I think this one should be done in charms class.**

122. Draco Malfoy Takes it Up The Arse is not an acceptable Quidditch chant. _do it Emmett. you need to. its so hilarious._

123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween. **get everyone to follow as Death Eaters.**

124. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! shirt to school. _how many t-shirts are on here?_ **um...a lot...but you can make them all, right?** _Of course Em._

125. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor. _I'm allowing Jasper to help you with this one. but it needs to be changed to the civil war. much better the the Revolutionary War._

126. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug A Slytherin Day. _before you ask, alot. alot of people._

127. Bungee jumping off the Astronomy tower is against the rules. Even if it isn't actually written anywhere. _best part is, you can't get hurt if the rope breaks!_ **are you calling me fat? **_no. I'm calling you stupid. _**Oh. well then that's o.k...wait...HEY!**

128. Asking Flitwick if there is a charm to give you X-ray vision, or remove clothes is not permitted.

129. I will not try and start Naked Thursdays in the Common Room. _the sad thing, everyone who participated in hug a Slytherin day will do this one..._

130. It is not necessary for me to yell "BAMF!" Every time I Apparate. **what does bamf mean?** _bad ass mother f***er._ **how mad will the Queen of the toads be if I did this in her class? **_Mad. but everyone else will laugh with you tell her what it means_.

131. I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore s office and use it to patrol the hallways. _the password to get in is liquerish twist._

132. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the halls **na na na na na...na na na na na na...*tune of batman***

133. I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

134. I will not teach the first years to play The Penis Game in the Great Hall during dinner. **WHOA. what the hell?** _Its when one person says penis quite and then another louder and louder. get it?_**OH. That should be so funny. I wonder If I can get Edward to shout it.**

135. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue. _Paint all ready_ **awesome Alice.**

136. I am not allowed to trade first years between the houses _I think we will need to wait until the DA for this one to._

137. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

138. I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God. _They will be in complete aw of Snape and It will piss him off so bad! he will hate this. and he will never be able to figure out it was you who told them. just tell them your name is Draco_.

139. I will not tell Ron & Hermione to "get a room" whenever they start arguing.

140. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall. **Will anyone see? **_*Vision mode* Nope, your safe. they will never know._

141. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

142. To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys is not an appropriate career choice. **Who is doing the Carrer thing**_... Snape. And his response is so funny, you'll laugh so hard._

**_143. I will not sing We're off to see the wizard when sent to the Headmaster s office._**

144. I will not sell shirts saying "Quidditch players do it in the air"

145.I am not allowed to play survivor in the common room.

146. Y all check this-here shit out! Is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell.

147. I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout I have the power!

148.I will not call my wand 'an elegant weapon for a more civilized age.'

149. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell Ni from various directions.** I think vampire speed will work. If Harry tells him and I run around...**

150. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me any house points. Thriller at Halloween will not either.

Extra ones I remembered and may want to do:

Making Harry Potter action figures without his permission is wrong. So is making Malfoy pay double for them.

I will not sing 'Defying Gravity' during Quidditch practice. **Really got to find a way onto the team**!

Providing Peeves with a case of Dungbombs was socially irresponsible and I will never do it again.

I must not tell Nearly Headless Nick that he'd forget his head if it weren't attached.

The Headmasters name is Albus Dumbledore, not Gandalf.

Yelling 'to infinity and beyond' when I take off on my broom was only funny once. **Maybe fred will do this one...**

I will stop calling the Weasley twins Merry and Pippin. I must also not call Ron and Harry, Frodo and Sam. I probably shouldn't call Malfoy, Legolas either.

No matter how creepy the abandoned towers are I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in any of them.

Taking Polyjuice Potion and walking up to the person you're supposed to be and pretending to be a walking mirror or their long lost twin can make them go insane and is not a hilarious practical joke.

Putting a snitch down Draco's pants is not funny, no matter how long he runs around screaming like a girl.

Spiking the school's pumpkin juice is not funny, no matter how much fun we all had that night.

I am not allowed to hum 'my own personal spy music' when I walk down the hallways.

Next time I see Rita Skeeter I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.

I will not borrow a prefect's badge for Peeves.

Chemistry and Potions do not mix. Testing this is not wise.

I am not allowed to eat Chocolate Frogs in Potions class. Even if I brought enough for everybody. And emptying a bag full of them onto Snape's desk to prove this last is also not good.

Sending nine rings to senior staff members at Yuletide with the return address 'Voldemort' is not funny.

I will not refer to Remus Lupin as a "nice doggy." Nor Sirius Black.

I am not allowed to tamper with or hide Dumbledore's candy. Even if I think it's funny.

I will not joke that Flitwick went to "Charm school".

I will not stack Trelawney's Tarot deck so the first five cards are the Devil, the Tower, the Hanged Man, Judgment and Death, showing she knows nothing about Tarot and just likes being dramatic.

I will not insist the house elves serve fried snake to the Slytherins.

It is generally accepted that Dogs and Dragons do not interbreed and I am not to attempt to disprove this theory. No matter how "wicked" the results would be.

I cannot perform the Avada Kadavra curse, and pretending I can to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.

I will not have a contest to see who can blow up the cauldron first

* * *

**HARRY POTTER FANS! MUST READ!:**

**If you go onto youtube (dot) com and in the search box type in "A very Potter musical act 1 part 1" its by starkid i think. It is the funnyest thing you will ever watch. It gets funnyer as it goes on. NEED TO WATCH!**

**Was it funny? Will you tell me? Please review? Tell me if you see any repeated? and what numbers they are?**


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